leumasb's Blog

Simulations in the Mirror

     Simulations in the mirror


        It was September 1968; Far Rockaway New York an eleven-year-old teary eye leumasb stared out into the dark from his bedroom window. Five floors up a red brick apartment building. Before coming to New York leumasb lived on his family’s farm. After The death of his parents, leumasb had settled in to a new life with his aunt who was now his Mother. She had become sick with cancer and confined to a hospital. It all started when luemasb was wakening in the mettle of the night to hunting cry’s and words like “don’t talk my spaghetti”. He knew what he heard because it was his favored food to eat.

        The 11-year-old boy wondered if there were ghosts in the house, those thoughts creped threw his mind as if sand threw finger.  He would looks from under his covers shocked at what he saw, a gram reaper standing in his room dress in black a shadow of some kind. He would look around the room to see if his younger brothers sleep. He pulled his blanket over his head in fear of seeing something that did not make since. Mounds filled the air as he forced himself back to sleep. The next day he thought, I am not telling anyone about it because every one would think I am crazy. To him ghosts were not something that could harm him they were not like real people. At school, he struggled to keep his fear in the back of his mind. He remember what his teach taught them about fear in a song. Whenever you feel afraid, just whistle a happy tone. You will be as brave as you make believe you are.

       After school, he looked around his room to see if there was anything there making the shadow in the night. He spotted his long trench coat hanging on a door. Quickly moving it, he felt it was what he had seen in the dark at the foot of his bed. That night he went to sleep, awaken to crying sounds and screams of pain looking around he did not see anything abnormal pulled the covers over his head and went back to sleep shacking. It when on for about a week or more when he asks his baby sister who sleep in another room if she hears things in the night. She said, “Yes it spooky and I pull the covers over my head to fall asleep am afraid of it”.

       Leumasb did not ask his ante because he did not know where the sounds were coming from it did not make since to him to talk about it. That last night for him was the last night he would find out what it is.  Awakens to the sound again, he move out of bed slowly to see, where the sounds were coming from that echoed in the hallway as pain. Slowly and calmly, he walked into the hallway not to alarm anyone of being there. He wanted to see if something was there. Outside his room, slowly stepping forward, he could see the door to his anteroom a clear light that shin threw the window into the hall. Approaching her door, he saw the foot of her bed moving. The sounds were louder coming from her room as he came closer. He saw her lying in bed crying out “don’t take my spaghettis” as chills when threw his body. He thought its weird she was not eating. She seems to be asleep.

     As he return to his bedroom, he thought I would ask her about it at breakfast. So as family set eating, he asked, do you know that you are saying things in your sleep? His ante looked at him and the others with surprise; she knew he did not just make up things just to have something to say. Leumasb did not talk much so when he said something everyone listen. She look him directly in the eyes as she told to him to do when you talk to someone, “look them I the eyes”. She replied, “Really what did I say? Leumasb paused he was not sure what to say she doubted him. Am not sure but it sounds like you said “don’t take my spaghettis don’t take it away from me” her laugher was funny until she notices that the kids were not laughing and leumasb did not smile. Therefore, they just fines eating to get ready for the day. His ante called leumasb into her room. She closed the door behind them. Sitting down on her bed, she asked him to come closer. “Did you really hear me talking in my sleep?” Yes, it has been happening for weeks ask the others, his sister had heard it. She then took him by the hand “you are the oldest and I see you need to know. You may be right because I have become sick and I most go into the hospital soon.”                                                                                                                                                   

          “I will let you know when the time comes for me to go to the hospital”. Can you do something for me? The little boy said yes. “Honey I do not mean to frighten you children in the night will you please come into my room and wake me when you hear me talking in my sleep”. Leumasb thought that was strange request and said, when you go will you tell me goodbye? “Oh, leumasb I will not go without saying goodbye to you” smiling she took him in her arms.” My church friend you know her will come and stay here with her two kids she will bring you all to visit me at the hospital Ok, and if there is something, I have sent for my sister. Your grandmother your mothers mother, do you remember her from down south where your other sister and brother are”. Yes, if you leave will say goodbye to me? “Yes honey everything will be all right”. I will wake you up when I hear you talking in your sleep.

           Weeks had passed and leumasb ante was in a special ward of the hospital. The ward where people were bed ridden dyeing talking moaning in their sleep. He had asked about the sounds, he heard visiting his ante. They were now in the car on the way to see her at the hospital. Their house sitter Mrs. Jones found out his ante was very sick. She and her husband walked back to the car where leumasb was waiting. He could see something was wrong she got in to the car.” We cannot go up today”. That is when leumasb pushed the door open and jumps from the car. Why can I not see her?  She is not going anywhere without saying goodbye to me. We are here, she is here, and I am going to see her and you cannot stop me. “No, someone said as he run toward the large glass doors of the hospital and in to the hall where someone said “you cannot be here. You are just a child” I can be here as he tried to pull away from a nurse who came from behind a desk. Thing got tense as others people gathered around them, a tall doctor came to his aid. Talking him by the hand saying to everyone it is all right your ant is asking for him looking at leumasb, “only you, I will take you to see her”.

As they spoke, leumasb spoke with his ante he could tell that something was different about her eyes as she moved slowly. She told him “my sister your grandmother is on her way to be with you; I need you to brave now, I know you are brave God has come to me about you, you are blessed”. You will not go anywhere without saying by, to me will you. “No, I will say something to you, you are every special and I will see you later”. As he left, he could hear the crying of death vibrating off the walls into the halls off the sanatorium. The week his ante died, no one told leumasb and he looked forward to seeing her on the weekend.

         When the time came for them to go see her, after dinner Mrs. Jones told him “it was all over” and “she had passed way”. After the funeral, Leumasb did not want to hear what she had to say. He wanted to know why she told him “when I go, I will say goodbye to you”. To him she had not said goodbye yet. As everyone sat eating, he got up from the table and walk out of the room into his bedroom.” Leumasb are you fines eating come back to the table” he heard Mrs. Jones as he walked away. He was not thinking about what she had to say, he walk over to looked out the window in to the playground next to the building where they lived, he played there as his ante sat on a bench watching over them.

          That is when he notices someone or something Light blue or white sitting on the bench. He thought it was unreal because it seems to be in a spotlight surrounded by a dark playground and it look like his ante sitting there sad, somewhat leaning over with her hands supporting her head just waiting as she rocked back and forth. He was what it was wearing and recalled what she wanted was wearing at the funeral but now it was all white. Therefore, the side of her face was clear to see. Leumasb did not believe what he saw but did not doubt seeing something. He turned away to make sure it was there when he looked back, It is. He walked back in to the dining room asked everyone to come to in his room. They looked at him strangely but compile.

   What is wrong they ask? On their way to the bedroom, I am not sure I want to show you something. As they gather around in the room. Look out the window in the park on the bench and tell me if you see something there. He wanted to see if they see what he was if anything. As they looked they looked at him with surprise “no I see nothing do you see something asking each other, to them sleeves No, no”.  So he looked and saw his ante sitting there waiting, come he said look there, it is just sitting there what is that? As they try to see Mrs. Jones said, “You can see something it maybe that it is not for use to see”. She confessed, “I saw my father hand after he died in the window, as I washed dishes. He would come up to the window when he was alive and put his hands on the window seal to ask me how I was doing. I remember it well, I never told anyone because I thought people would think I was crazy”. She did not know leumasb to make up things his words were sharp and to the point. Looking at her husband, I told you there is something about him. She raised her hands over her heart and said “think you lord” looking and smiling at leumasb.  Then said, “He is blessed to know things god has come to me about you”. Thank you lord how can I help you.  Leumasb turn to look again into the park, his ante turns her head towards him and smiled. It is she; she raised her arm and waves goodbye and smiled as if she was happy and surprised to see him watching over her. He watched as the light just faded away. We will go with my grandmother she is on her way here leumasb said. To Mrs. Jones surprise, he knew it. She had ask him to say to others, that he want to stay with her when ask. Something that leumasb was unwilling to consider doing.

       Two months later leumasb and his sibling were all together in North Carolina in their grandmother’s room talking making fun of the way leumasb talked about things they found his humorous and his words were very clear spoken. Leumasb told stories that were creative; they thought them funny to be joking around with him. When a photo of his ante that hung on a door started moving from side to side then its nocking noise just got louder and louder. It was so strange that his older brother stood up and stopped it from swinging. Sat back down and said, “Did you all see that”? Leumasb was talking about his ante I do not think we should be talking the way we are. That’s when the photo started back swing but this time it look like it was going to fall from its place. His older sister said, “Stop talking god is talking or something” His brother got up took the photo off the door and put it into the closet. “Well if god is talking then he can keep talking in the closet because I do not understand that.” Just then, a man walked up to their front door carrying an ax’s in his hand trying to push his way in the door. His bother jump up pushing the man out closing and locking the door. “What the hell was that all about” he ask, Looking around leumasb saw all of them up again the door holding it close. The man ran away he looked drunk or crazy. His sister said that was what the photo moving was all about it alerted us to be on guard. That crazy man was on the way here.” They all made light of what had happen and did not talk about it until their grandmother came home from work. She told them “there are things we do not understand that does not make them unreal, do not make fun of leumasb”. His grandmother told his siblings “there is something special about that boy; I think he is blessed by god. No good will come to you if you make him mad, I do not know how it is, I believe God came to me in a dream to make it known to me. That god has work for him to do in his own time stop troubling him I forbid it. I do not know how he knows so many things. It will come a time when you will see it to, he is your brother”. Leumasb was not in the room, but he stopped in the doorway in the shadow of the dark room, when he heard his name call. He never made anything out of what his grandmother said to the others. From that time on he did not speck of something that made his siblings say he was crazy. What his grandmother did not know was his siblings would pay him something to answer questions, act, dance and sing and to see real meant having fun; they like his imagination to relate to the simple. You know how kids are; they say the pier things to one other. His siblings would say to others who came around leumasb “he is deep and there is some truth to him even if it sounds crazy you had better watch out when he says thing that sound strange. He is not to be play with the wrong way. They would whisper that to everyone who thought leumasb did not know what makes good since. You will be surprised.


Art and politics

                        Art and Politics

            Art and science in politics a long healed understand together in their role such as administration and control of its internal and external functions. The thoughts surround Enlighten when we give up trying to control things we believe belittles our role as the protagonist. I beg to differ, throw art we find better ways of keeping cells of information flowing with compatibly of improving the building blocks of a project. I will talk about how politics function with Art, music, culture, governments and terrorism strongly relate as tool in balancing important in creativity. “Use by groups who are too poor to mount an open assaults using modern tool of the alienated.” Questia research Google 2012). Pin and paper becomes their first weapons.

I became confusion about art when family and friends cheered me on; Go ahead make something, anything you make is art. Overtime, I believed I could not go astray working as an artist. Although in passing times my fun, manifest into a struggle of choosing a fight as a Couse to rehabilitate. The most seductive side of art, the ability to do something that represented reality as apples having distinct marking as a matter of facts. The opposite side is antagonist changing lingo and using skills to read difference about the abstract. A daunting Task it is, I struggled with reconciling these chooses career, job. Balanced opinions; dam if I do, dam if I do not yet holding on to what works for the task. The seductive distinctive art, serve to administration operations base on abstract physic to control internal and external forces that govern using skills to make clear effective images.

Therefore, why this is so important to humans like you and I. Art, music and culture are recodes of humankind pass time with visual markings on cave walls. Can you remember why you are reading this? We find reading someone experience overtime contains small bits of unrealized information not realized as it recorded time. In world history, the oldest way record are governments how they use campaigns to eliminate the opposition. The same as animals do to make the best chance to existent. For me art is not about what I want but what I do. I do not succumb to despair but find an antidote for existent. When am along I think about all people ponder relationships between love, hate, peace, day, nights, hopes, dreams, and  Outer space as discovery. Sometimes I just shut the nose off in my head It is easy to get information overload / over react. This is how I balance thoughts, by seeing the what; I am contemplating about, as woodcarving, painting canvases, sculpturing thoughts using metaphors that manifest with basic skills of the pass.

What I learn is the word impossible, and no way is all about asking the right questions. You are as most people, working your impossible passion. There came a time where I thought or said, thinking gives me a headache, I cannot do that, I am not like them, I will never have naught money to start, dreams do not come true and on and on. You know where I am going with these reasons. Convince myself not to get started doing something. You are like most people, there came a time where you worked hard at something and it did not work out. Days later, someone said something to you about your mishap. You knew that, you think but did not act on it. Yeah, you know you thought about it. Sounds like I told you so? You thought about what being said. You realize you should have acted the step out long ago.  Everything would have work where you had thought you failed. Now go back to where you got off track and reconcile the differences.

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Previous Posts
Simulations in the Mirror, posted February 4th, 2013
Art and politics, posted December 29th, 2012

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